I feel a little bit confused, and I feel like I have no control of the situation. I feel like a part of me is being taken away. I feel weirder than I ever have in a long time. I feel a little bit alone.
I have had, for the past 17 months, a companion and best friend here in Colorado--and ESPECIALLY a companion and best friend in Guayaquil, Ecuador. I can't describe how much the connection between Kenna and me has helped me on my mission. There have been many times when I have asked myself, "What would Kenna do in this situation?" or "Kenna, being one of the very most Christlike people I've ever known, would handle this situation, or teach this person, how?" I haven't realized until now just how much I love my sister. She, and Dallin, are the best friends I could have ever wished to dream of. I will forever be grateful for the family I have been given, and for the last 17 months of my mission where I have been able to spend time in the service of my God with my sister--completely and honestly the BEST missionary I have ever known; a missionary to rival the faith, the commitment, the diligence, and the charity of that of Ammon, of Aaron, of Nephi, of Abinadi. I will never know how to adequately express the feelings of my heart towards Kenna, other than in proclaiming to the world that one of the "Noble and Great Ones" has spent the last many months of her life in consecration and dedication--that she has become the 4th missionary, that she has become consecrated, that she has become truly "a new creature in Christ", that she has "come unto Christ..and den[ied herself] of all ungodliness", that she "putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord". How beautiful upon the mountains she shall be for declaring glad tidings.
I love my Savior. I know that now, in this moment where I feel like I have much to work on, and much to complete, and so much missing, I have only one option. I have given up on failure. God didn't intend for me to fail. I am one of his Sons, blessed with inherited attributes of divinity--buried somewhere deep beneath the natural man in me. For the work to do, the tasks to complete, the gaps to fill in, I know and testify that I can rely on nobody but the Author and the Finisher of my faith. For the work to do, He will help me do it. For the things to complete, He isn't called a Finisher for no reason. For the things I am missing, I echo Paul in saying, "Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: FOR WHEN I AM WEAK, THEN AM I STRONG." For me, for my mission, for my road toward becoming like Christ, there are many, many miles left. There is Gethsemane to pass through. There is being spit on and scourged to endure. There is Golgotha on which to be raised up. I repeat with my confirming witness the words of a sacred hymn, "Nearer, My God to Thee. Nearer to Thee. Even though it be a cross that raiseth me." I have been called to bear the crosses of the world, and even though it may be a cross that raises me up, I will be raised up nearer to my Lord and my God. I bear testimony with all that I am, and with the mantle of being an authorized and set apart representative of the Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, the Lord Omnipotent, that He, of whom the prophets and apostles have written, lives. He died. He bore the pains and the afflictions of all of us, His people. He rose triumphantly. He, to whom we devote this season, is not long since dead and gone. HE LIVES. With all that I am, I bear testimony in His name that He does. The promised peace of His gospel is real. I know it. I love Him. And like Him, I bear testimony of His Father and ours. He loves us. Let us love Him.
Elder Logan Bryan